Updated: Mar 17, 2020


It has recently dawned on me just what may be going "wrong" in this world. I say wrong cautiously as I now believe there is no right or wrong happening here. Life is about experiencing the highs and lows. I believe we are here to grow as infinite beings in a universe that no one can seem to explain. No explanation at all really, and yet, we latch onto beliefs as though our life depends on it... perhaps it does. What else do we have? BELIEF and CHOICE. These are two very powerful actions. It can shape the entire world around you. You may be surrounded by people, all within the same space, and still... their own beliefs are most definitely creating a different experience and reality outside of your own. If someone believes A,B, or C, than it is absolutely true and real IN THEIR WORLD. This does not mean that it is true in yours nor does it have to be. A good rule of thumb is asking yourself how it makes you feel. Anytime something feels GROSS, ITS NOT TRUE. When something feels GOOD, Its most likely true. You must follow your gut and your own hearts path no matter how much it may not align with those around you. As you move forward, you will find the ones that do. People may try to paint their own reality onto yours and you may even let them. You can fight someone based on facts but these are only facts in your world. Do you see?

I do not remember taking my first steps but I sure hope that it was quite the event in my household. I can imagine my mother clapping the way she always did after I would sing a tune accapella on the drive to elementary school. My mother has always clapped for my baby steps. She was just as excited for my first choir solo as she will be for my first album release party. It has become clear to me that this is important in growth development. When you clap for a child taking their first steps you must realize what you are clapping for. The child is surely not doing anything astounding. Are you clapping for anyone else just because they crossed the floor? You clap because this is a new child taking their first independent steps alone and its something they haven't done before. What we must know is that we are all still children and every time we realize or latch on to ANYTHING we haven't before we are taking another STEP. Time to clap. It does not matter you age, IQ, background, or current situation. I am so blessed to have had even one person clapping for me through the years. We must acknowledge each others achievements first even if you believe them to be unimpressive. We must clap for baby steps.

Deep down I believe everyone to be good. Their human conditioning, ego, or path may have taken them from it, yes. I still believe that is not the core of their being. I could be wrong. Please do not prove it to me. I do not believe there is anyone in this world that truly has an issue with me as a gay man. Not truly deep down. It is simply their own life challenges and human conditioning if they choose to take on that belief. It has nothing to do with me and their beliefs can only shake my world If I give power to them. Since understanding this I have never truly run into anyone who has an issue with me or my sexuality. Maybe I never did. If I believed everyone was against me than those just might be the individuals I could run into in my every day life. Now, If I did run into someone who took pause at my light, I wouldn't even perceive their belief because of the reality I live in. The "problem" for many just might be that they believe they need others to see them in a certain light when they might not be witnessing themselves in the same vision they wish others to see them in. We must first love ourselves for the rest to follow. We must also stop giving power to others beliefs if we do not believe them. If you have started to realize this I am clapping for you now. I am not naive to the other contradictory realities out there. I simply live in a bubble where I never perceive that nonsense. I promise when and If I do I will always stand with my fellow loved ones. #blacklivesmatter I move forward. I always do.

Say a child comes home from school with a drawing or art piece they have created. We all hope the parental figures clap and display the art proudly, yes? In my world this is what I wish for any growing artist. Now I ask you this. At what age do our skills need to be advanced enough for peopled to keep clapping? That same child at 14 may come home with an art piece the parents believed to not be so great. Did they still clap? Perhaps they believed the child should be further along for their age and perhaps in their opinion the drawing wasn't that great, especially for a 14 year old. The encouragement from anyone may help that child move onto years of trial and error where they could become a wildly respected artist. Everything takes time and whose to say how long it should take anyone to get somewhere. We must never judge where someone is on their journey but If we love them we MUST acknowledge their accomplishments. This goes for all aspects of life, not simply a child’s drawing. The ones you may view as just another in the basket of deplorables are on a journey as well. We may get frustrated but they too are just children taken by this world. We are all going through different journeys at different times. Just because you have crossed bridges that someone else hasn't does not mean that they have not conquered challenges that you have yet to face. I remember showing my early photography to a NYC based photographer whom I looked up to at the time. His response was nothing short of "don't quit your day job." I remember being hurt at the time but it gave me the great ability to treat the young aspiring photographers who message me today with a great pair of kit gloves. I know they are simply seeking recognition and advice but more importantly, applause. Isn't that what we all want. I know I should clap for these seekers no matter where they are on their timeline because not everyone can be as strong as I was when a big shot tells them they aren't so hot. We are not here to tell people where they should be on their journey but should uplift and love despite where we perceive someone to be. My beautiful mother who has spent a life time clapping for me is waking up to her own gifts every day now. I realize I need to clap for her own baby steps as she discovers things I feel I may have been blessed to realize in my early twenties. Hurdles I was most likely able to jump due to the fact that I was loved as a child. A woman who spent the majority of her life tending to 4 children in an age where there was no internet to turn to. No Youtube channel to tell you how to care for your sweet Pomeranian puppy that you just received. As a new doggy dad I am so grateful every day for this easy access knowledge. Can you imagine living through a time in which it was not so easy to uncover your tribe, beliefs, or truth. My mothers generation is starting to catch on to the lies that Hollywood, the government, school systems and deep unseen matrix have told them about love, life, and happiness. We must however clap for all baby steps our loved ones are taking ESPECIALLY in terms of spirituality and self love. We are all just trying to figure it out. You don't have to force anyone to see things the way you do and you might learn the harder you try the further you push them away. The only way is to live in your light, lead by example, and clap for the small steps we see others take towards anything they are going after. How do we know we've done good without the applause of our audience.

I have always believed knowing what you don't want is more important than knowing what you do. You can rarely dream as big for yourself as the world can. What you believe you want is more than likely minuscule to what can be given if you release all control other than happiness and following the now. In order to have the relationship or experience you believe you want you may first need to experience that in which you don't. Those trials and tribulations are just more baby steps. Often those that are given everything don't appreciate what they’ve got. In result they just may loose that in which they already have. We must be grateful. When we are grateful we attract that in which we are grateful for. When you are content with what is, YOU GO TO THE NEXT STEP. When you are not content you will stay on that step until you are. No matter how large or small that hurdle is you should most definitely learn to clap for yourself. Thats what its all about. Being the star of your own movie and being content with what is. You can of course focus on all the "bad" that has happened but you may possibly be failing to see that this action brings you right back to the scene of the crime. Focusing on the past means its not happening years ago but actually right here in the now. Did you not learn the lesson? Did you not take the advice of the world saying "HEY THIS IS NOT FOR YOU."? Did you take this and turn it into something that happened To you and not FOR you? You have a choice. All we have is choice. Somewhere along my path I learned I could tell my life story 2 ways. One version made me feel gross and the other version made me feel as though I was moving forward. When you set your attention toward that in which you desire you are pulling that desire to you and more importantly the feeling into the present moment. We don't want anything truly we just want the feeling we think it will bring. You can choose to feel it now and it just may come quickly and easily. It is true that you can't change the past but it is also true that you don't need to relive it unless you desire to. Most law of attraction gurus would tell you to keep your thoughts on what you desire and this is true, however, I now know you can attract anything into your life whether it is right for you or not. The world wants you to see that what you think you want may be crap but you must discover and experience this yourself. When you are simply happy and content the world brings you just what you need to progress. If you fear something greatly the universe just might make it happen for you simply to help release that toxic energy basking inside. I certainly know that if you were clapping for your baby steps rather than crying for your past fails you would always be moving forward.

I pray for us all that we start treating our loved ones firmly but with a better pair of kit gloves. We are all just children. I know many that have conquered adulting in a way that makes me gaze in wonder and amazement. I often realize these same "adults" just may need some of the world knowledge gifted to this child from a source I can't quite explain. This is of course just my reality but what a beautiful reality it is. I believe that myself and many of my friends and family are going towards a world in which everyone is created equal. A world in which we listen. A world in which we realize that you do not have to be wrong for me to be right. A world that lets us all experience our highs and lows without judgment for only we can truly judge ourselves. The all mighty "god" is not separate from you but part of you. You are part of them and there is no one and no thing on this earth separate, less, or more than you. You judge yourself. You decide whether you are in heaven, hell, or limbo at any given moment in this beautiful world. We must be happy and the only way to truly be happy is to live in and be content with the NOW. Its the only choice. The only choice that can bring you pure peace in this life time. To be at peace with what is. This is not to say you shouldn't want, desire, or go after better things. This means you should practice the art of being content even through your darkest hour. Release the worry because when you are in fear you are living in the future or the past and neither of which are here. The fear of something happening is always much worse than the moment it actually happens you see, and the pain of reliving can demolish even the strongest of angels. We must see that it happened and try to better ourselves from it.

You can fight me with your words. You can disagree. You can live in your reality. Mine is beautiful and I hope for anyone that theirs is too. Perhaps even those in the red hats are living in a reality that they believe to be beautiful and I hope with all my heart that they are. I know we are all on a journey and it is not for me to judge. I sure wouldn't want anyone judging mine. I am not who I was 2 minutes ago and am not who I will be tomorrow. See me for the now. Clap for my baby steps I beg of you for I have a dream of being a far better man than I am today and I just may need your help.


"All anxiety comes from the desire to escape the present moment" `RALPH SMART

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